Wednesday, August 30, 2017

The Long and the Short of It

Loop de Loop
The earth is about 4.5 billion years old and it’s spinning at roughly a thousand miles an hour. The body is composed of 37.2 trillion cells and those cells are made up of approximately 7*1027 atoms. That’s a seven with twenty-seven zeros after it! On average a human being will live seventy-nine years. None of these numbers comes close to infinity. Nothing comes close to infinity and even the concept of nothing is questionable. Some folks prefer to think that the earth is a mere six-thousand years old, but that human beings live forever in one form or another, either in Shangri-La, Valhalla or in the lofty heavens with its streets of gold.

Pondering an idea such as infinity, I end up feeling like one of Monty Pythons’ Gumbys: my brain hurts! But I suppose that is better than crying out, my heart hurts! If taken literally, I could be talking about cardiac arrest. Metaphorically, we’re merely taking about emotional pain, also known as heartache. Thinking and reasoning are wonderful gifts, but emotional trauma feels like a dark canyon has opened up inside of me. A yawning abyss where no light or love can escape. Everything gets sucked into the dark void.

I would much rather think about the infinite than why love fails. Love is a feeling and feelings are thoughts. Thoughts are fleeting, born of electro-chemical actions and reactions in my brain. The same feelings may rise again and again, but eventually they will dissipate and disappoint. I’d rather use my thoughts to consider my actual neurons rather than get hung up on the drama that those neurons can create. The average brain has about 100 billion neurons, which is nowhere near infinity, but more than enough to leave me bewitched, bothered and bewildered on a daily basis.

Communication between the same species is sometimes the most difficult thing in the world. When someone says, “I will love you forever.” You have every right to question that claim, because forever is a long, long time. I know that my love is bigger than a Cadillac, but Cadillacs break down eventually and become a pile of rust. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. The miles add up and love runs out of gas.  You can’t call triple A when your heart breaks.

My time on this earth is limited and I’ve wasted so much already. I only have so many breaths left in these aging lungs of mine. I inhale and hold my tongue as my thoughts fight to find an exit. I write down my moments of angst and frustration and find myself back at the starting line, not passing Go and not collecting $200. I seek clarity and calm and instead find myself treading water in a sea of confusion. There are those that think I need god and others that think I need a good slap upside the head. All I know is that I need food, water and a decent night’s sleep. Oh, and a little bit of love before I draw my last breath.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Hot Chip - Huarache Lights

I'm working on a new blog post, really I am, but until then here is a music video by a band I've really been enjoying lately: Hot Chip.

So I can see
I got something here
That you don't ever want to turn down
I got something for your mind
Your body, and your soul
Every day of my life
Every day of my life