Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Melancholy Bay


There is a small craft advisory for Melancholy Bay. If you are having a hard time keeping your head above water today, then you might want to alter your course to a more appropriate destination, like the therapeutic waters of  Sanity Springs, or the Pools of Positive Re-enforcement. We've had some beautiful sunny days of late. One could almost believe that spring had truly arrived. But then the rains come back, and with the rain the grey skies. What I actually mean by the title above is that I'm trying to keep melancholy at bay. Vigilance is the key to staying sane, or at least somewhat calm. I must constantly keep an inner eye on my thoughts and not let them stray too far into stormy waters, especially on a dark rainy night, when visibility is at its lowest.

Yes, I have my health. I also have massive debt. Massive debt is better than a massive heart attack though. I have car(s) in need of repair. The IRS is breathing down our necks and their governmental breath smells like mints and gin. I make the same wage now that I was making when I left Heart Technology back in 1996. Of course, the price of living has gone up. Just a bit. Twelve dollars and fifty cents an hour just doesn't go as far as it used to, and it only got me down the block back then . No I can barely leave the house for less than twenty dollars.  Lucky for me, stargazing is still free.

Comparisons are usually fruitless and mere exercises in ego. Oh, look Harold! The Jones got a pony with a pompadour. We need a horse with a hairdo! Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most solipsistic son of a bitch of all? My toughest competitor is myself. I berate and castigate myself for not succeeding when I've set the bar too damn high anyway. The bar should always be easily accessible and it should always be happy hour. 

Why is life so hard sometimes? It's all just states of mind. The pain and suffering cannot be relieved with a monetary award, and taking anti-depressants sometimes feels like throwing bricks in the Grand Canyon. I'm constantly trying to retrain my brain, but I'm an old dog. I wasn't good at tricks even when I was a young pup. Now I'm the father of a young pup, and he's a gregarious witty wunderkind. At least in my book anyway, and out of the few thousand or so books that I own, the book of fatherhood is the most important title on my shelves.

So, I guess my lesson for today is that when I see the dark clouds looming on the horizon and whitecaps are starting to appear in the tumultuous Melancholy Bay, I just need to remind myself that I am a father and being a parent is the most important job in the world and the pay rate is love through the roof!

Here is my son, Justin, making a half-court shot. He fills my life with sunshine and warmth even on the dreariest days of winter.

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