Déjà vu. It's another Tuesday, and I sit here struggling with my creative license and searching for suitable words to line up for this blog post. I keep envisioning myself as a hamster on an exercise wheel, and my sadistic owner keeps increasing the speed. Jane! Stop this crazy thing!
We all get the sense sometimes that we're going in circles. Some of us tend to repeat the same relationships ad infinitum, with no apparent learning curve whatsoever. Some of us [I'm raising my hand] stay in mundane jobs much too long, until our brains turn to corporate mush. I read something recently that has stuck: Some of us have an easier time attaining happiness than others. I know. It's sound like one of those no-duh statements, but I'm talking about the complete inability; not just laziness. I know laziness. Laziness is a friend of mine. I prefer to call him a lifestyle choice. Doing stuff is overrated.
But sometimes we have to "do stuff." Like today, I must report to work in a timely manner and then stay throughout my shift, maintaining a pleasant demeanor, and trying my best to look busy. If only they just had a large exercise wheel at work. I could just climb and and the management could start the thing spinning. It would then be visually obvious that I'm doing what's expected of me: going in circles seemingly like a chicken with it's head cut off.
Today is one of those days when I feel the chains of my emotional burdens more than other days. I translate this into tiredness, but it's not a physical kind of tired. It's a matter of being exhausted by the world around me. When my wife sends me a text in the middle of the day stating, "I hate people," I know exactly what she means, even though I'm a people too. Sometimes the absurdity of the life we find ourselves in can be a bit overwhelming. Rather than having a rainy day fund to take a warm weather vacation, we have street cameras feeding us $186 speeding tickets, and ex-spouses demanding the unreasonable.
I try to be reasonable if nothing else, but the static created by human society becomes a bit much for me. I've always been a bit of a loner. (picture Vincent Price in "The Last Man on Earth.") Years ago, I had the daily routine of taking walks in the woods to help escape the madding crowd, but these days I just have my deck, my smoke and the stars above. Don't get me wrong. I have my family too, and it's most likely because of my intense love for them that I stick around, rather than returning to my home planet. If you could see my home planet though.....