Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Not in the Mood

It's true honey. I'm not in the mood. I am just so turned off today by the world around me. I'm tired of being the lonely old curmudgeon, who is only get older and more curmudgeonly as the days go by. I can't afford to think about tomorrow, because I can't even afford a new pair of shoes. Hell, I can't even scrape up enough dough to declare bankruptcy. But honestly, I'm not in the mood to talk about debt or the societal construct of money, and how it may be the root of all evil, but the lack of it seems to the be source of many of my woes.

I'm definitely not in the mood to do that thing called work today. Granted, I'm not shoveling shit, which was job position my ex-wife suggested. I guess there's no danger of me going postal, since I don't work for the U.S. mail service. My job is relatively easy: shelve books, receive and price books and then sell said books to various customers. My customers are awesome. There are even a few I fantasize about once in a while, but those thoughts are for a different blog. It's my co-workers and my parental managers that are like a hot needle in my eye some days.

My workplace often has the feel of a freshmen high school class. There's surreptitious whispering and gossip that magically ceases when one comes near the conversation. When I want a vacation day, or require a sick day, I have to jump through all kinds of hoops, being treated like a child, instead of a 53-year-old man. I've been chastised for complaining about waiting six hours for my lunch break. I was told that I have "lost sight of what the bookstore is about." I know what my job is about, that's for sure. It's about being underpaid, undervalued, and overlooked.

I'm not in the mood to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich again, but it's a done deal. The all-American lunch is already being digested. I'm not in the mood to put on my shoes and socks, throw my gear together and walk south to work, but moods are superfluous in this society and can easily be adjusted with various medications. I've already taken my pills and I'm still not in the mood to conform. Oh well.

What am I in the mood for today? Well, the sun is breaking through the clouds. I have plenty of bud to smoke and about 50 pages left to read in my latest novel. Those ingredients could certainly make up a day that I'm in the mood for, but there's that whole lack of free will thing. This automaton must arise from his slumber and walk the path that society has given me. I'd rather be lost in the woods, with no hope of return, but hopes and wishes are like balloons released by two-year-olds into the blue sky, only to burst at high altitude.

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