Thinking outside of the old bone box. Pushing our intentions past our fragile skulls out into the world. How much effect can any of us really have in the long run? I realize that sounds negative, and Eeyore-like, but that's me. I'm a cynic that sees where we're all headed and all I can do is shake my head in wonder. I may think outside the box, but at the end of the day, I have to put all those thoughts back in the box.
I've always thought of myself as an honest person, but no one can be completely honest. Hell, by the time our honest-injun words leave our mouth, they're already tainted with our bias and judgments. My morals are quite different from my family's, and I am reminded of that every day. My pure raw honest thoughts must stay in their bone box, because words hurt, and the thoughts behind them can be downright devastating.
What am I really talking about here? I believe that we're all bull goose loony, but some of us are better at hiding it than others. But if we're all as crazy as Alice than I guess the word crazy can just be dismissed. Some of us hide our honest thoughts better than others. It would be ridiculous for me to expound on subjects that my partner may not be interesting in, or may even be offended by. Sometimes I fail, and my bitter angry honesty comes out. It's at those times that I realize what anti-depressants are really for: to contain our real selves.
My real or authentic self is pretty fucked up. I've done a pretty good job of hiding it over the years, and semi-fitting into society. I'm finding as I get older that I get tired of toeing the line and thinking inside the box. Well, I've never really thought inside the box, but I've always been reluctant at sharing those thoughts with my fellow humans. For whatever reason, I have always given my ideas short shrift.
Sometimes I would rather have been born Bill Blasé and let all of the bullshit roll off my back like a duck in water, but that's not in my DNA. I'm often agitated, edgy and nervous, but my exterior shows a certain Mr. Calm with a predilection for weed. As John Lennon once said, "Nobody loves you when you're down and out. Everybody loves you when you're six feet under ground."
So, I type out my angst and send it out there into the ether for others to peruse and maybe contemplate my words. Also, I like others with depression and a sense of loss and alienation to know that you are not alone. Well, actually you are alone, but there are millions of others like you out there, also alone in the world, wondering if they'll ever get to really speak their mind without getting a backhand or the cold shoulder. So, take cold comfort in that notion and enjoy your day!