It's Tuesday, and like every Tuesday, I feel compelled to write a blog post. I try to come up with a topic a few days before my Tuesday deadline, but lately I've been struggling to come up with something that I want to expound on, besides my own dark days. Even I'm tired of hearing about that!
I consider myself to be an honest person. Hell, I even claim in big letters at the top of the blog, that the reader can be assured of honesty and openness here, at low discount prices! We all lie, fib and stretch the truth no matter how much we may pride ourselves on our true blue honesty. It may be something as serious as where you hid the body, to something as trivial as how many of the office donuts you ate. (Come on. Fess up.)
To me, honesty is most important as a parent. My son is very bright and perceptive, and he knows a bullshitter when he hears one. I don't want that reputation with him. I have been an imbiber of the sacred herb for years before Justin entered my life. Like some parents, I was not going to give up big hunks of myself on this new adventure. Especially my weed smoking. (Go ahead and judge me and I'll try and forget that you live in a glass house. Deal?)
When I step outside to smoke a bowl, I just tell Justin that I'm taking a break. As he got older, he got more curious about my "breaks." He would sometimes ask to come out on my break with me. "Not this time buddy," I'd respond. One day he parted the curtains covering the sliding glass doors to the deck. I was sitting out there, exhaling my yesca vapors to the wind when I hear a knocking on the glass behind me. I turn to see Justin looking out.
Later on that day, he asked me if I was smoking on my break. My first response was to lie in an effort to protect my son, but what was I protecting him from? He already knows that cigarette smoking is bad for you, and he's stated his opposition to that. I made the decision to be honest. I told him that I don't smoke cigarettes, but I smoke something called herb. I smoke it to relax, but it's not cigarettes. He seemed satisfied with that answer. I'm sure he didn't know what I was talking about when I said herb, but he could sense that I was being straight with him.
I still continue to take my periodic toke breaks, but Justin doesn't show the curiosity he used to. I'll say, "I'm going to take a break buddy, and I'll be right back to play Jenga with you." "Okay daddy," he responds. Now, if I have no issues with my marijuana use -- and I don't -- then I should have no problem admitting it's use to my friends and family. As I said, if you want to judge feel free. It's not like you're going to be able to resist judging me.
I've never even told Justin the age-old myths of Santa, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy. How can I truthfully tell him that the god believers pray to is fictional, but then try and tell him that some freakin' fairy rustled his bloody tooth from under his pillow and left him a measly quarter in exchange? I've heard tell that those milk teeth go for big bucks on the fairy market.
So, today I'll go into work, and I'll most likely immediately start my day with a lie. "Hey Mark. How are you doing today?" "I'm fine," I'll reply. Liar! I'll listen to my co-workers inane stories and quotes from nerd movies and I'll feign interest, which in itself is a lie. I keep to myself how hurt I am, by recent events in my life, and keeping truths to oneself is lying by omission.
Lies, lies, lies. Some of us are compulsive about it, and some of us beat ourselves up ad nauseum for one tiny fib. (That's me! That's me!....he lied.) It's Tuesday, and I'll soon be heading into my job. I find such joy and fulfillment in my job, that I have a hard time waiting for my two o'clock shift to begin. I want to just skip down to the corner of 65th and 20th ave NE and start to please people. (OMG! You are such a liar! You consider your job to be drudgery and you often call your co-worker idiots.)
The truth can hurt, without a doubt. Tearing down someone's false beliefs can be a cruel exercise. If someone's lies to themselves keep them content, who am I to piss on their petunias. I believe enough lies myself, such as I'm a decent person who does my best to be open and honest. My actual opinion of myself is far different, but I'll save that for my blog about honesty. (As if we'll ever see that!)