Hello. It's me again. That mass of molecules known as Mark, adopted at six months of age, after being found, floating in a basket on the river Styx. I still battle my inner demons on a daily basis, but lately I've been trying to be more mindful. It's much easier to accept the dark with the light, when I can realize that it's just my thoughts that give my emotions their coloring, and I just need to let go of those thoughts. For me it's not "Let Go. Let God." It's just let go....
There are daily struggles, and we all have those, whether it be ex-wives (or ex-husbands), daily debts, or work woes. Life goes on, whether we fret about it or not. I have not been able to get my medical prescriptions filled for months, because I owe the corporate medical structure money. I don't owe the pharmacy money, just some hospital for a couple of emergency visits, but they are all parasitically tied together, so I owe money to one, it effects my other dealings. Therefore, I cannot get my prescriptions refilled, until I work out my financial troubles. One would think, that once they put you on blood pressure medication and other various pills that should not be stopped abruptly, they would have a responsibility (Remember the Hippocratic Oath? Oh...that's right. It's Hypocrite now.) to ensure that you do not run out of that medication. As my mom would say, "So, anyway..."
I recently finished reading Sam Harris' Free Will and I think I'd better bump my Good Reads rating up to five stars, since I can't seem to stop thinking about the ideas brought up in those essays. I've read about the experiments done that show that our subconscious mind is making decisions without our conscious knowledge a full 300 milliseconds before we are aware of it. But Sam Harris, is a brilliant thinker, and puts out his ideas in clear and understandable prose. It's the concept itself that is a bit mind-boggling. The whole idea of free will rests on the notion that we could have made a different choice in our past events. But the past does not exist, except in our bitter memories, or not so bitter, depending on your mood.
My return to mindfulness is helpful, in that it helps me to realize that thoughts are ephemeral and it's best not be get attached to something that will soon disappear. The thing with thoughts though, is that they are like are continuous stream -- a stream of consciousness -- never pausing to tie up at the dock for a while, maybe even get out of this boat full of thoughts, and have a picnic beneath a shady tree. I have many thoughts that could easily bog me down, and even create a need for outside help, but sorting through those thoughts and then taking them down to the recycling bin, definitely helps.
Now I seem to have no choice but to get to work. According to the latest neurological research, I didn't even have a choice on whether or not to write this blog. No choice in the matter. So, I shouldn't stress so much about life, just parse those thoughts and let them go like dandelion seeds in the springtime breeze.