Sometimes I tell myself, "You just have to make it through the day." Rain or shine, I have to make it through the day. What would it mean for me not to make it through the day? I'm not sure....maybe a total withdrawal into madness? I'm not sure. The truth is that I'm strong enough to make it through most days, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way.
I've never been one who has been bothered by the Christmas holidays, like some I know. Usually, I just ignore the hustle and bustle. Christmas these days means buying gifts for those you love and care for, but my bank account is spoken for, before my check even reaches me. Last year, I started to feel a little melancholy during the winter holidays, but this year the sense of sadness related to this season seems to be increasing. I live with a family, who believe that Thanksgiving and Christmas are pagan holidays and therefore cannot bring themselves to recognize those days. The problem seems to be though, that I am a pagan. If a pot-smoking anarchist, who doesn't believe in God (or Jehovah, or Yahweh or....) doesn't qualify as a pagan, then I don't know who does. But what does it mean to be a pagan? Well, since I'm a non-believer, it doesn't mean anything to me. It's just another label that is floating out there, and can sometimes be attached to me. I believe in non-attachment though, so labels can fly off into the wild blue yonder, never to land on my shoulders again.
It's a lonely life out here in humanity. There are a lot of choices to be made in this life, but not enough opportunities to make them. A lot of love to be shared, but not enough peaceful space to allow that love to flourish.