Thursday, April 17, 2014

A New Day

It's Thursday, which means it's not yesterday! Like everyone else on this blue earth, I have the advantage of having a fresh start with each day, unless -- of course -- my heart decides to seize up in the middle of the night. Today is rainy and gray like yesterday, but I need to keep the emotionally gray skies out of my head for a while.

With all the willpower I can muster, I must make the intellectual a priority again. I cannot shirk my reading responsibilities and yes, I do look upon my reading list as a responsibility. Part of this is from working in bookstores, and feeling the need to be informed about a variety of titles. The other pressure I put on myself as far as reading goes is for my own education. I will never get the answers I desire, but maybe I can at least figure out how to form the questions.

I also realize that over the recent decades I have begun to speak way too much. What do I mean by that? Well, I've always been almost-painfully shy, and took my parents advice to "not talk until you're spoken to" seriously. I often find too, that my thoughts do not often match up with the people in my life. Sometimes I find that can express myself better through my writings, but only those brave enough to read my writings would be able to tell me that.

I need a night at the movies; I need a week on a sandy beach; I need about $10,000 to pay off the IRS and credit cards. Go ahead, ask me how it feels to need. It feels very human. Needs, cravings, desires...these are all very human characteristics that we could all benefit from squelching to the best of our abilities. Myself, I need medication to even attempt to quiet my inner maniac and even then......

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