Thursday, March 20, 2014

Whistling Past the Graveyard

The title of my post implies being carefree. That's not me, although I work on that image. Inside I harbor all these dark memories, regrets and resentments. These damaging emotions are like a cancer growth. Try as I may to eradicate these negative thoughts from my daily life, it is a constant battle. I have turned to corporate anti-depressants. I still smoke weed on a regular basis in order to keep my industrial disease at bay. It's a lonely life sometimes, without a like-minded smoking cohort. There's nothing like smoking a bowl or two and then taking in a movie with a friend, or tossing the Frisbee back and forth on a sunny day in the park. Try getting high and tossing the Frisbee to yourself....not so easy.

I sit here at work, trying to kill the remainder of my lunch hour by writing down thoughts that I have written down many times before. I sound like a broken record at this point, or maybe a damaged MP3. I have some wonderful moments on my deck, listening to music, and stargazing, but I have no one to share these pleasures with. The loneliness is stifling sometimes. 

Time to get back to work, continuing to count the minutes until I get to walk out the door on continue on to home. Maybe the rain will stay off my back tonight, when I spend my leisure time outside on the deck. Last night I was able to witness a moon-rise that was worthy of any werewolf movie.

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