Monday, February 3, 2014

My Near Deck Experience

I'm aging. That is without question. I am now at the age my dad was when I thought he was old and out-of-touch. Part of what comes with aging -- besides becoming forgetful -- is a slowing and deterioration of the body. I find that I am not as flexible as I once was. This brings me to my accident last week. I often go out on our deck to partake of some weed, and I was doing just that last Wednesday, when I took a fall. It was a little misty out, so the deck was slick. I was also wearing slippers (moccasins), so my tread was nonexistent. I don't remember falling, but I remember opening my eyes and looking through the sliding glass doors, wondering how long I had been out. I came back into the house, and noticed that only a few minutes had gone by. I peeked at the mirror and noticed that I had a cartoon-sized lump on my left temple. Now I just have a black eye, with different shades of yellow filling in the spaces.

Just in the past year, I have had a colonoscopy (I was due) and some major emotional upheavals due to my continuing depression problems. Last fall I adjusted my various medications, and I seem much more stable these days. What that really comes down to is having the ability to not let little things bother me. I have my own set of beliefs and ethics and not everyone is going to share those. Live and let live, right? Deep inside (my mushy brain) I still have strong feelings about issues that have the ability to upset me, but I'm more able to let those things slide.

Life is all just a damn illusion anyway. We recreate our memories with many discrepancies. We believe that we are experiencing life instantaneously, but that is not true either. Recent scientific studies have shown that we may not have the free will we once thought we did. It's all very chaotic and random, and my goal is to continue this journey called life, without pissing too many people off. I also want to keep an open mind and learn as much as possible before my consciousness fades into darkness.

I don't believe in an afterlife, so I feel that I must live a life of fulfillment and curiosity. I only have this one shot at my life, as opposed to marriage, which I have tried three times now. I am not going to fret about the ongoing stupidity of humans. If they (humans) cannot start to cherish their own planet (in other words, "Don't shit where you eat, my friend") and think the value of life equals the balance in the bank account, then we as a species are doomed. But me as a person? Priceless.