“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” -- Henry David Thoreau
"In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted. -- Bertrand Russelll I decided to start today's post with a couple of quotations, partly because I am (slightly) at a loss for words, and partly because that first quote has been in my head all morning. Thoreau had some great philosophical ideas, but Walden Pond was still just down the road from his mom's house. I think Thoreau himself may have gone to bed with some quiet desperation still singing in his heart. I know that when I go through boxes of somebody's moldy book collection while at work, I can hear my own heart singing desperately for some type of freedom. Freedom to walk out of work for my own sanity. But we tie ourselves down with our own debts and doubts. The fact that I have not yet set foot in Alaska is very telling. It reveals multitudes about how I have prevented my own dreams from becoming reality all along my lifeline. Hesitation and doubt have killed off my dreams very early.
Now I've become just another angry old white man, whining about where he ended up parking the car, after refusing to ask directions all along the way. Silly old man. Now I look towards the horizon, which I'm hoping is still a ways away. My sight has become filtered through bitter past experiences. I look at the rich and (faux) powerful and know full well that mommy and daddy left them plenty of money to play with. Take the owner of the company under which our humble bookstore falls. He and his brother own fifteen malls across the country among other investments. The owner spent his formidable years sheep farming and smoking weed in Europe, knowing full well that he had his financial future all laid out for him. Meanwhile, my parents (who barely graduated high school) were proud as punch to see their oldest join the air force when he was seventeen, no realizing that he was guaranteeing himself a life of mediocrity. I cannot blame them and their old ways though, because they had no clue about how to claw your way out of being average.
So, I will carry my anger with me today, and bite my tongue when I'm shown how behind I am at work after taking three work days off. I will be reminded very quickly that my job is to keep customers happy, no matter what I may be feeling inside. My position is to continue to fill the pockets of the business owners, so that they can continue to play with their money and check off the greatest golf courses in the world, as they play through each one.