Tomorrow is somebody's birthday too, but it's also Wednesday and I return to work at 2pm. I will be working with Amish Girl, and I can only hope that she's done playing Christmas music, since technically Christmas will be over. She can go back to playing the Sesame Street soundtrack. (I shit you not.) I'm sure the bookstore and adjoining restaurant will be busy tomorrow, because we're situated in a well-to-do neighborhood, where most folks will have the day off, and they'll be bored and come in to browse and graze.
Part of me wants throw my copy of "It's a Wonderful Life" into the DVD player, and watch it for the next two plus hours. I haven't watched it in years, and my honey has only seen bits and pieces of it. I watched a little of "A Christmas Carol," starring George C. Scott the other night. I just don't think my mind is in the right condition to watch something potentially so emotional. I'm filled with mixed-emotions today, and I'm probably better off not trying to nudge those feelings in one direction or another. It's better today to try and maintain a modicum of sanity. That's not always an easy task, but there are many factors that can make it especially difficult today.
There are many aspects about today -- Christmas Day to some -- that could have the potential to throw me into an emotional rut for a while, say a week or two.
A.) It's Christmas.Let's leave the list at four for now. Like any sad sack misanthrope, I could go on and on about what makes me blue, but I'd rather pack my bowl with a little green and make my meager attempt to toke those blues away. You may think that I've just become a stoner in my old age -- not that there's anything wrong with that -- But let's just say that I've grown to old to voluntarily deal with the day to day bullshit of this wonderful society of ours. Ever since I was sixteen-years-old, I have wanted to drop out of society and reside at a cabin in the woods. For good or bad, I was not the type of man to often wield and axe, and my hands are not roughened shovel-like mitts. I'm more the artistic type, who would rather sit in a cabin with a good book, so I evidently didn't inherit any mountain man genes, even though it's been said that my maternal grandmother used to shack up with the lumberjacks.
B.) My son is with his mother this year, because we alternate years. I could probably have a few hours with him if so chose, but he will be back here on Thursday this week. It seems that my ex and really gone over the top for Justin this year. According to his six-year-old mind, he has thousands of gifts under the tree, and mommy told him that he would be getting more presents than anybody! I mentioned to him the other day that some kids don't even have food to eat, and he looked at me like I had grown a third eye.
C.) As always, I could use a friend, to hang out with once in a while; smoke a bowl together; listen to some tunes; or just sit out on the deck and shoot the proverbial shit. (I would never shoot the real shit. Yuck!) I've never been one to make friends easily, and as an older male, it seems even harder to make new friends these days. The few friends I've had in the past have tended to be the type of people, who take advantage of my good-natured personality. I'm a good listener, and sometimes when people realize that they don't even bother to let me get a word in edgewise. There is no edge to even slip words into.
D.) Winter in the Pacific Northwest. I'd welcome some snow right about now, just to brighten things up a little. The words Cabin Fever end up being an understatement when it rainy and dark for days on end. I suggested to my son that he would probably like a little snow for Christmas, and he replied that he would just like a sunny day. Amen to that, little man!
So, this post has been my Christmas Blues post. It is possible to be happily married to a gorgeous honey of a woman ("Daddy wins the honey pot!") and still get worn down by life once in a while . If my sweetie and I had our own little cabin in the woods with nothing but time to fill with lovemaking, reading, cooking, lovemaking, walking, listening to music, and...did I say lovemaking? Well, you get the picture. Like most other worker ants in this wonderful red-white-and-blue society of ours, we must work, pay bills, and deal with the general insanity that seems to pervade the world these days. I'm lucky to be lavished with love 24/7 and to have a wonderful family right here in the rainy, dark Pacific Northwest.
Now bring on 2013, or whatever numbers strike your fancy. As Steve McQueen said as the character Papillon in the film of the same name, "Hey you bastards, I'm still here."