Saturday, June 16, 2012

"Just Life Ma"

Yes, it's been months since I have posted anything. I am well aware of this. Sometimes life gets busy, so busy that there is no time to sit down and write about just how busy it is. On the plus side, my life is filled with goodness these days. I am in my third, final and best marriage. I just turned fifty-one years old, but I'm probably happier and younger in mind than I was in my 20's or 30's. Back then I was always weighted down by self-imposed stress. These days I have a wonderful partner/wife/best friend and lover, and she is the ideal of all my dreams and desires. My son Justin is six-and-a-half and quickly going on thirteen. He's brilliant, funny, cute, and an excellent dancer. Yes, he is my son, and I'm totally biased, but on the other hand...all those things are true.

I share custody of Justin with my ex-wife, and I would certainly like to see Justin more often than I do, but overall the arrangement works. I've certainly heard horror stories from other divorced couples, and comparatively our arrangement is pretty trouble-free. It helps to now be part of an extended family, who cares and loves for each other like a real family. I could never foreseen my current situation, married for the third time, and now stepfather to three children. My nineteen-year-old stepson even lives in the basement, and plays electric guitar! Doesn't that sound like a horror show waiting to happen? It's so not though, because I get along with everyone, and my stepson and I recently saw The Black Keys/Arctic Monkeys together.

Some of these experiences of late seem to be coming at just the right time in my life. After all, I feel like I've always tried to be a conscientious and compassionate person, usually to my own detriment. I've stayed in relationships much longer than I've should have, just like I've always stayed in jobs much longer than was sane. Maybe part of that steadfastness was simple fear of change. It sometimes seemed easier to stay stuck in that proverbial rut, even though it dampened my joie de vivre.

I still have my vices (although I probably wouldn't refer to them as vices) as virtually all other humans do. Some of us spend the weekend sucking on six-packs of beer, and watching sports religiously. Some of us spend money on expensive toys, and then use our leisure time cruising around in those toys like we were in a Viagra ad or something. My "vices" seem so trivial in comparison to some of those: the tendency to spend more than I earn on books, and my propensity for taking toke breaks on the deck each evening. Hell, those aren't vices. That's living life, as if you enjoyed it!

Life is about making love at three in the morning even though you know you have to get up in a few hours. The feeling of being high on love for the entire next day is entirely worth a few yawns while at work. I'd choose making love over sleeping anytime. Add to that the love of music, literature, films, and the tendency to enjoy my yesca smoke in the evening air, and I'd call that a well-rounded life. My sole complaint? Not enough free time to enjoy all of the above. I do sometimes take a mental health day, or leave work early to enjoy some time with my significant other, but those times are few and far between. I know that there are some couples who find solo hobbies, so that when they are not at work, they have something to keep them busy, so that they are rarely with their partner. I guess if it works for you. I never tire of my S.O. and would gladly retire from anxiety-ridden society today, to spend the rest of my days in her presence every day, all day.
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So, I don't blog for three months and then I just go on and on. Isn't that just like me? But today I happen to be here at home by myself, while the boys are out getting their hair cut. Having the house to myself is usually the best time for writing. It's either that of stay up late and wait until everyone has gone to bed, and then I have the time and space to write. I need to write more often. I'm an artist and writer, although I'll probably never be paid professionally those talents. I have other talents that do not earn me any monetary rewards, but lovemaking brings its own rewards.