Friday, February 19, 2010

Out of the Loop

I forgot to wake up in time to watch the confessions and apology of Tiger Woods. Oh no, what will I do without a head filled with useless and shameful gossip today? There seems to be all this concern for the fact that Tiger Woods cheated on his wife, and disgraced the sport of golf; but what if his sexual interactions with porn stars and strippers is what gave him the edge in tournaments? I think that the American public would think differently of Mr. Woods if he came out and declared that in order to stay at the top of his game he must continue to conquer a retinue of cheap and sleazy women. I mean, after all, they put the full-color ads for Viagra in Golf magazine each month. The pharmaceutical industry knows their target audience: Lusty golfers cheating on their wives, but feeling guilty and therefore not able to fully swing their wood.

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