Thursday, September 24, 2009

Gray Skies

The skies are gray today in Seattle. There still may be a few sunny days left before the long dark season begins. The outside lights at the bookstore now come on at 3 pm in preparation for midwinter, because that's when darkness will fall with regularity for a while. I've spent the morning cleaning house, and keeping myself busy with minor tasks to keep my mind off the gray skies in my heart. Tomorrow Jen and I are meeting with a mediator ($300 a fuckin' hour!) to finalize our divorce paperwork and get it filed. I'm ready to be done with it. My last straw was reached late last year, and I have no stamina nor will to try and repair anything at this point. Nor has Jen shown any interest in the same. I still feel a great deal of sadness for putting my son in this situation, but all I can do is continue to be the best father I can for him. To give him unconditional love and caring ad infinitum.

I knew that I was going to reach this emotional brick wall at some point. Jen and I have had an overall good marriage based on a strong friendship, but there has been vital elements missing for years now. No matter the cause of the break-up it is a sad occasion that I need to swim through and somehow make it to the other side. Books will always be there for me, and music. I'll continue to write in my journal, and get out in the great northwest outdoors to aid in shaking off the woes that crop up from time to time. Nobody said life was going to be least nobody told me that. (I stole that line from "The Big Chill.")

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